Revised Paragraph

Before: Common Core standards were originally created to combat the problem of wide variations in what students were being taught from state to state. They sought to bring focus and direction to the learning environment and provide a clear, direct idea of when students should master certain topics. Simply a list of skills and information students should know, the Common Core standards left it up to the teachers with how this knowledge would be taught to the pupils. Karin Chenoweth, the “Writer-in-residence” for The Education Trust, explains that, “By setting out a coherent set of standards focused on fewer topics taught in more depth at any given grade, Common Core standards... help educators all over the country focus on what students need to learn rather than getting distracted by dozens of extraneous topics”. The intentions behind these standards were very logical and they aimed to further the education of our students and advance education in our country. Jordan Ellenberg, a professor of mathematics at University of Wisconsin clarifies that, “The Common Core doesn’t reinvent math education, but it does change its emphasis. The early-grade standards focus on speed, correctness and understanding in arithmetic, because students without that basis get kneecapped later by algebra and calculus.” The Common Core standards aim to set students up for success and prepare them for more advanced math classes.

After:Prominent mathematicians originally created Common Core standards to combat wide variations in what students were being taught from state to state. These standards sought to bring focus and direction to the learning environment and provide a clear, direct idea of when students should master certain topics. Because they simply featured skills and information students should know, Common Core allowed the teachers to decide how to present the information. Karin Chenoweth, the “Writer-in-residence” for The Education Trust, explains that, “By setting out a coherent set of standards focused on fewer topics taught in more depth at any given grade, Common Core standards... help educators all over the country focus on what students need to learn rather than getting distracted by dozens of extraneous topics”. The standard's intentions were very logical and aimed to further the education of students in our country. Jordan Ellenberg, a professor of mathematics at University of Wisconsin clarifies that, “The Common Core doesn’t reinvent math education, but it does change its emphasis. The early-grade standards focus on speed, correctness and understanding in arithmetic, because students without that basis get kneecapped later by algebra and calculus.” In this way, the Common Core standards set students up for success and prepare them for more advanced math classes.

To add clarity to my paragraph, I eliminated the passive voice in the first sentence and removed some extraneous words. I also changed the wording in the second sentence to a stronger, better worded verbs and made it more concise. In the 5th sentence, I changed "the intentions behind the standards" to "the standard's intentions" to keep a coherent subject throughout, and cleaned up the wording. Finally I changed the verb in the last sentence to eliminate awkward wording. My new paragraph, although it could still use some revisions on the ideas and flow, is now much more clear and concise, with fewer excess words.