My outline.
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I commented on Gabi's, Katie's, and Alaina's outlines.
Thursday, October 15, 2015
Thesis and Outline
Thesis: While Brandon Stanton aims to promote diversity and empower the individual, his main purpose is to inspire change by personalizing the faces of a current event, appealing to the emotions universal to the human condition.
My outline.
I commented on Gabi's, Katie's, and Alaina's outlines.
My outline.
I commented on Gabi's, Katie's, and Alaina's outlines.
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I don't know if you have changed it yet, but there were a couple of things that I noticed in the outline. First, is that for somethings, such as how he sets up his credibility, some supporting examples may improve the argument. (I noticed that you appear to be in the middle of editing thesis, when I wrote this comment. The next part is more focus on the thesis where you say the purpose is "to inspire change by personalizing the faces of a current event.") Second, your thesis mentions current event, and later on one of the paragraphs talks about how it focuses in on New York. You may want to reword somethings (perhaps mention a current event or issue in New York and focus the New York related content around that,) and make sure that the body paragraphs do relate to the thesis. That was everything I can think of. It is a very good outline in general.
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